


facebook chats

by gayriot



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Albinism, Albino Dave, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Childhood depression, Egregious typos, F/M, Loss of Virginity, M/M, McDonald's, Mental Health Issues, On Hiatus, Past Relationship(s), also im putting myself as the male character because i want to play matchmaker, also malapropism, being poetic while also being a little shit, forcing hetero, my attempt at Freudian slips, referenced daddy dick
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 17:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5936854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayriot/pseuds/gayriot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>you know somethings off when you realize that you enjoy putting lisa frank stickers all over your best friends face more than you enjoy making out in the back row of a movie theater with a girl who has blue hair (almost as blue as his eyes).</p><p>(also if anyone has any suggestions for the title of this fic please hmu its so bad right now)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. prologue

Dave Strdier: sup  


You stare at the red text for a minute or two. Dave Strider, isn't that the same guy who threatened to break your nose in fourth grade when you covered his desk chair in glue? Why would he be messaging you on Facebook all of a sudden at midnight? The two not you weren't on great terms exactly for some reason. Apparently, a fourth grade prank means enemies for life! But he's talking to you now, and you remember you've been thinking for about 5 minutes, so you quickly type out a response.

John Egbert: uh, hi!  
It might be impossible to get anymore awkward than that response. 

Dave Strdier: so whats up  


John Egbert: ya know, just stuff.  
Apparently, you were wrong. You take this moment to notice that he misspelled his own last name. 

Dave Strdier: wow arent u just a sparkling conversationalist  


Dave Strdier: u sure kno how to woo a man egbert  
You giggle at his response, feeling your face heat up slightly. 

John Egbert: what can i say, i have a way with words.  


John Egbert: i'm a casanova.  


Dave Strdier: but srsly whats up  


John Egbert: nothing much, just playing a game! whats up with you?  


Dave Strdier: jus chillin  


Dave Strdier: what game are you playing  
You want to ask him why he suddenly messaged you after seemingly hating you for 7 years, but you figure that's a question for later. 

John Egbert: undertale! it's really cool!  


Dave Strdier: heard of that game it looks pretty sweet  
Eventually the conversation slips into a talk about school ("ms nalesnik can go to hell man fuck that science project") and by 4 am you've pretty much exhausted the topic of bitchy teachers and dumb assignments and now you're both just talking about anything. Its kind of strange, you think, how you both were talking like old friends when he hated your guts just last week. It's very sketchy. 

Dave Strdier: that guy can suck a dick  


John Egbert: hey so i forgot to ask, why did you randomly message me at midnight? :B  


He doesn't respond for 20 minutes. You're slightly panicking. Should you not have asked that? Was the emoticon too much?

Another 20 goes by. You are so panicking right now. You are the epitome of worry. It is you. Dave probably just got bored and decided to message you and now you've made him uncomfortable and weird and-

Dave Strdier: idk man cant a guy have a civilized conversation without his every move being questioned jeez  
You let out a sigh of relief. 

John Egbert: wtf where'd u go u died for like 40 minutes  


Dave Strdier: sorry dude my bro wanted me for something  


Dave Strdier: miss me so much that you counted the minutes i was gone  


Dave Strdier: cant go more than 5 minutes without me  


Dave Strdier: i get it  


John Egbert: you are absolutely right. i just can't go on wihtout your red text assaulting my screen.   



	2. track

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im probably gonna change the title of this story some day because its super ugly but i cant think of anything else

youre 15 when you get your first girlfriend.

shes got red hair (dyed) and when you get close enough, you can see all the beauty marks and small freckles dotting her face. her hazel eyes look golden in the sunlight and even though shes beautiful, you cant get yourself to say it. you cannot make yourself say "i love you."

you think she understands.

"im only 15" you tell her. "ive never had a serious relationship like this. i need some time."

she only nods her head and smiles. she has a dimple on the right side of her face, you notice. (john has two)

shes older than you, about 17. shes had sex before. despite your suave, coolkid mannerisms youve yet to have your first time.

when she gets you in bed one night, the condom is too big and the gerard way posters staring you down make you uncomfortable. lets just say neither of your moans are 100% genuine. your first time is spent with only your socks on and the girl underneath you awkwardly rubbing your shoulder as you pelvic thrust (bring it arouuuund towwwn).

you break up the next month after she compares your hair to that of zack & cody martin on season 1.

you meet another girl only one month later. this time, shes introduced to you by john. even though he smiles and laughs and tries to hide it, you know hes nervous about you two meeting. youre not sure why.

her skin is dark and her curly hair bounces around her head, constantly defying the laws of gravity (kind of like johns hair). her light brown eyes are mostly apathetic to everything, but they light up at the mention of pranks and mythbusters.

she breaks up with you a week after you get your hand down her pants. she and john hook up the next month (on valentines day, for fucks sake) and suddenly shes a lot more interested in everything. youre not sure what stings worse. 

youre mad (mad at her or john or yourself youre not sure), so you decide to hook up with johns sister. well, you try at least. jane stops you mid-pickup-line and tells you shes dating roxy. well, theres a twist. 

when you turn 16 you join track and field. the girls on that team are all long legs and tanned skin and energetic smiles. so are the guys.

you go out for pizza with a couple of them one night after practice. the girl that drives you spends most of her night trying to "accidentally" slide into your lap. youre not opposed to this.

shes different than every other girl youve dated.

her hair is blue-almost as blue as johns eyes, but not quite-and curls at her jawline. she has an undercut at the back of her head thats dyed pink and you think its pretty sweet. you tell her this one night when shes topless in your lap. she laughs out a thank you and goes back to unzipping the fly of your jeans. 

she makes a "tshhh" sound when she laughs and it reminds you of a snake. the fact that she wants to split her tongue doesnt help.

the year you date her is the first year you spend halloween without john. youd rather see john on halloween, but when you tell her that you already have plans she tears up. goddammit. 

you and her see a movie on the holiday. shes dressed up as a "sexy" pirate and youre dressed as a DJ. neither of you dress all that different from your everyday attire. 

you start the movie off with her tongue down your throat. she does her best to get sergeant stiffy to rise up in the south. halfway through the movie, youre finally getting into it and shes moved your slushie from the arm rest to wrap her arms around your neck. 

youre worried about getting caught, but the theater wasnt even packed to begin with so you figure youll be alright. 

the movie is starting to end, and shes moved down to give your little buddy some TLC. youll admit, shes good at what she does. shes clearly ahead (pun sort of intended) of you in the game. but when you look down at her and see her blue hair and tan skin you start thinking about-

...

she freezes. literally freezes. her mouth is still on you and her hands are still on your hips and shes still looking up at you, eye-patch thrown to the side, and she doesnt move.

finally, she moves. away. from you.

"what did you just call me?" she asks, her voice dripping with venom. you flinch.

she dumps you that night, telling you to go have fun with your "boy toy."

you get your first boyfriend at the end of the year (another one on the track team). he has curly brown hair and green eyes and watches national teasure too much. he reminds you of john a lot.

he and john actually get along, even if things get a little awkward sometimes. they bond over their horrible taste in movies and your boyfriend gives john advice on his girlfriend (hes still dating your ex who loved mythbusters). 

he and john spend a lot of time together, actually. maybe even more than you spend with him. you mean your boyfriend. of course. why would you mean john haha what.

he tells john first that hes trans. he asks john to tell you for him and surprisingly, youre not that upset that he told him first instead of you. 

dating a trans boy was hard. he had bad days, and then he had really bad days. days where his dysphoria was so bad not even ace bandages and another binder could help. he would hole himself up in his room and ignore everyone until he had to come out for school or food or the bathroom. 

the day you broke up, it was over facebook.

Dave Strdier: how r u feeling  


Hayden Ranieri: im alright u kno the usual  


Hayden Ranieri: i donr think i can do this anymore you're So sweet and nice nad real cute like oh my gosh and i like u a lot but i feel like u only like me bc u know i have a vag amd thats probably npot even the case but i feel sick when i think of u as my byfriend and its noit tht i think ur a bad bf!!! i think youre greatt. i just feel guuilty dating u an dim sorry gosh this is so ugly and dumb but yeah we shou,d break up  


Hayden Ranieri: wow i made thta a lot worse than it needed to be yikes im sorry  


Dave Strdier: i get it  


Dave Strdier: dont worry about it  


Hayden Ranieri: jus so u know fyi u should totally hop aboard that egbert train its so obvious youre intp each other!!!!!! >:D  
and he logs off. that was quick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> putting muyself into the story is fun bc i dont even have to fix my own typos

**Author's Note:**

> this is ugly and short and im aware that facebook cats are not formatted like that.


End file.
